Desperate (no more)

(I put similar pic as my Blackberry Messenger display picture yesterday and my friends were all teased, huh that bitc*es :P)

Hello peeps,

The last time i post was all about broken heart but i barely couldn't believe that i almost done with all of that :D. I'm really happy now and i feel like a completely new person. I think i'm ready to move on and start a very new chapter of my life. I'm moving on. I have new spirit, new motivation, and most importantly new dreams (or let's call it old dreams resurrected).

Yesterday, i had my very first lecturing experience. The class is start at 13.30pm and butterflies was all over my stomach at 12.00pm. But everything turned out well, that was a fun experience and i'm so excited to do it again next week. There's a kind of satisfaction when i see the students interested in what i gave to them, asked many questions, and also answered my questions. Happy feeling which couldn't be redeemed with all money in the world. Hehe.. That was only a day, my first day and i already over the moon, i hope i can maintain this feeling and always have the same excitement everytime i doing my job. Amiin.

Things that made me happy these days also including final Thesis examination of 3 postgraduate students in my Institute! We made it! After two years we finally got Our first MTI! :)) I feel like a proud Mama, hahaha.. Hope there will be more in years to come!!

(Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. Alhamdulillah, this uncompleted task of mine that had been hanging on like forever is finally finished. Yay! I made the preface loh, hehe)

You know with all mess that happened in my life, i need a new life map, a new plan for my future. I'm rearranging it now :) i know what i want and i believe i can do this. All i have to do is keep on learning, work hard, pray much, and then let Allah do the rest.

Lastly, i only ask for one more thing: Wish there will be someone who has similar dream and wants to make it come true with me, together, forever :). Amiin.. amiin.. amiin..

Ok, have a good day! Cheers for the future!

PS: I start playing online game again, it's the sims social that have my heart right now. Hehe.. But i promise i won't be too addicted. Or not :P

Easier Said Than Done

Have you ever feel like you are having a mixed emotions whether to be happy or sad or crushed or devastated or simply being sincere? I should feel happy, i know. I mean that's the meaning of loving someone no? Feel happy when he is happy, even though seeing him happy with other person because you both couldn't make each other happy. But it's easier said than done. It is easier said than done. Indeed.

Every Hello Has a Goodbye

Today, sitting in my chair, left hand supporting my head, right hand holding the mouse, i stare at my info page on Facebook, i stare and stare for don't know how long. It's not that important for me, I'm over facebook for quite long time anyway. But i feel the need to delete certain photos and i remember about my status. Yup Relationship Status, the exact line that i've been staring for minutes. Should i change it now?

It's funny how i was so sure that the time i change my status will be about "upgrade" it into engaged or, well, (least than four months) married. But now it's completely the opposite.. It still very hard for me. Almost every night i didn't want to sleep because everytime i woke up in the morning there's a feeling of emptiness, like my body will be shattered into pieces if i do even a very little movement. That feeling of loss. Like, was i dreaming? But then i know i'm not and that fact strike right in my head relentlessly.

No matter how difficult it sounds, it's not that bad though. I mean, i know there are a lot of people who suffered even worse than this. Let's not say about writing a post, they couldn't even move from their bed crying their heart out. But here i am still have conciousness to wrting you this story.

For you, the one in my memory. Thank you for being with me for 6 years. I could spend hours only to write what you've given to me, what you've taught me. But let it stays in my heart, let the memories alive in my head. Not to be regret, but as a lesson. I wholeheartedly wish you a happy life ahead.

I may regret how we ended, but i will never regret what we had.

Well,


..there's nothing left to say but goodbye.

Raising Empathy

The title should be "Raising Empathy: 101 ways to deal with a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico". Yup baby, this is not just a match, it is a WHITE PRIDE!! The ideal way is to apply a don't ask, don't bother rule. But some people got no clue how to treat a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico right. Here, i will kindly inform you how!

First of all people, y'all need to realize that this is important for her. THIS MATCH IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT. Never asking why, because everyone has different interest. I, my self, never come and tell someone in the face "Oh, so one of your cat just died? Move on, you have hundreds of cats. It's just a cat anyway." Nope, my friend, i don't like cat, i don't see why people should crying a river for a cat. But i know how to behave. Even though you don't understand, it's very easy to simply say: "Deepest condolences, buddy. His soul will remains with us".

Nah if you already understand the first rule. I will tell you a step by step to do things right.

If you're happened to be a Father of a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico, you don't come from Shalat Subuh at Masjid and ask "How was the match?" "Who won?" Then you turn on the tv and watch sport news. No effing way! No effing way! -1000 for your empathy.

If you're happened to be a Mother of a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico, you don't force her to bring Kacang Madu to be offered to your friend like there's no tomorrow. What were you thinking? Just leave her alone!

If you're happened to be a Sister of a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico. You make sure that she will always 1Km away from any kind of newspaper, silly people, and sport news. You make sure her Real Madrid poster sticks properly at her wall. You make sure her jerseys folded well. You make sure that you're not about to borrow her bag. After you a hundred percent sure, you can then GTFO in peace.

If you're happened to be a boyfriend of a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico. Get real boy! She doesn't want to talk to anyone. She doesn't want you to pick her up. She doesn't want you to see her right now. And moreover, she doesn't need a thousand of PING!!! from you. And you know what even worse? A BBM display picture with the-opposing-team-who-shall-not-be-named holding trophy. Check your self!

If you're happened to be a friend of a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico. You better give her a bunch of tissues, pillow and blanket, feed her with grapes and milk. The last thing you can do is to tease her, seriously. Slap your face, look at your choice. Silent has never been a better choice before.

If you're happened to be a workmate of a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico. You are the worst, my friend. Y'all the last ones she expect to see but because there's something called life and responsibility you become the first ones she sees in the morning. I suggest you to act like nothing has ever happened. I warn you, never, NEVER EVER, laughing like mad in front of her and say "HAHAHA, MADRID KALAH NI YEE". You have no idea what you've done. You dig your own grave!

If you're happened to be a head of HRD in an office of a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico. You don't dare punish her because she came late. All you have to do is: Raise her paycheck, give her an early THR, and let her come home at 12pm so she can rest her head out. You can also ask a driver to drive her home, that will be an added point.

If you're happened to be some random people at Angkot which contain a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico. You don't mention MES*I's name. You just don't. And you don't ask why!! A disgrace for all humankind.

If you're happened to be cule-family-members-incorporated-in-a-BBM-group with a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico. Y'all grade E in term of emphaty. Why is it necessary to bashing around about the match when you KNOW EXACTLY that one of your family is heartbroken? Have it ever crossed your mind that maybe, just maybe, she is crying for hours of it?

If you're happened to be a pet of a-Madridista-who-had-just-lost-at-a-fuckin-clasico. You sit in the corner, shut the f**k up. Not crying for food nor pee. And stay there until she tells you to move.

ROTFLMAO in real life right now. Do you enjoy it? Because i do. I'm sorry, this post doesn't aim to anybody. All events just a make up story (a little based on real life, a little tho). I'm just releasing my tension and stress. I hate you Barfa so much right now. You lucky bi**hes. Enjoy your trophy because it's the only one you'll get this season.

I'm proud of my boys, we had fought till the end last night. We will have a good season ahead darlings. In Mou we trust.

Now,would you excuse me. I'm going to get back in the corner and cry.

Perplexity

I really hate being in doubt, yet i doubt much lately. That thing is killing me. I don't know how to react to it. It is closer and closer, time won't go back. People said when in doubt, don't do it. But then i'm stepping in to another doubt: to trust that saying or not. What an abstract mind human can have? I don't want to regret anything later like i did now. Yes, i admit it. I did regret that thing i've done, i've chosen in 9/8. All i need was wait and calm my self then everything would be ok. But i followed my ego. And things getting more complicated. I have this admittedly insane idea which need all bravery left in my self. But then again, i'm still in doubt..

Unexpected Climate Change

A : Look, that's Yesi!

B : Yesi who?

A : Yesi the lecturer!

-______-

(hahahaha garing parah.)

So, people.. Semester ini saya dikasih jam ngajar. Mata kuliah yang di-plot tidak lain dan tidak bukan adalah *drumroll* Kecakapan Personal! Looks like God wants me to stay close with everything related to interpersonal communication and co. I imagine he says : "you love this subject, no?" "nah, here have some more!". -__-!!

Actually, i have some kind of bond with Interpersonal Communication (IC). From the time i knew that this subject is exist in communication studies, i know i'll love it. I want to know more about this. Coincidentally, my interpersonal comm lecturer is one of my fav lecturer too and she taught us with ~style. And we all know (we all? maksudnya saya, tuhan sama tembok hihi) skripsi saya juga akhirnya mengangkat tentang IC.

The thing is, belum juga dimulai mengajar Kecakapan Personal, saya sudah bermasalah dengan "Kecakapan Personal" saya. I keep questioning, do i have a lecturer quality? Am i a lecturer material? Yes, here comes "that" Echy again. I need to get rid of this feeling, have my chin up, and just do it. A person who has issue with self confidence and self esteem can't teach other people about personal skills. Need to write this in my mind again, and again, and again....

Guisee, i really hope i can transmit the knowledge well!! Repeat after me:

Break a leg, E!!!

Obligatory Once in a Month Friday Post..

Heiyyaa there! such a pretty Friday here..

There's a lot of story i want to share. But before we go far to happy stories such as my sister's 20th birthday. I want to put my thought about something that happened just now.

Someone makes me rage this morning by saying that my grey blouse doesn't match with red cardigan i am wearing. She did it in such a way like she is a fashion expert perfected with her sardonic smile and head shake. Excuse me!! Who the hell are you? New Emma Watson? Nope, so better shut up. This person can't leave a day by not hurting my heart or whoever poor soul she has met. It is not the first time she threw sharp words without thinking about other people's feeling. This red cardigan scene is not the point. But this certain person is. Why couldn't she learn that whatever comes out her mouth is always bring down people. I think she is old enough to understand that there is manner in expressing opinion! Actually i really don't care of what she's doing as long as it doesn't ruin my mood. But she always managed to hurt me and i can't take it EVERY SINGLE DAY!!

Another annoying thing: So, another someone asked me to participate in a Blog competition. This competition held by Lampung Government as a part of Lampung Fair 2011. The rule is about put a writing in our blog about a theme that they had specified before. At first i was interested to take part because they would give an ipad for the winner, but after i read the theme i feel kinda ~meh. I really hate anything related to government body or whatever they did to ~supposedly bring forward our town. I don't need to elaborate why i hate them, because i think i've written a post about this before. But the point is i don't want to put something that i don't feel fun writing it. Why should i? My blog has to represent my exact thought, right? Not something commercial or based on hypocrisy. I don't want people to force me to follow the competition and tell me that this is just a competition where i could make a story up. Hell to the no. No way! I followed a contest involving my blog before and i will do it again as long as i love the topic and feel fun doing it. Period.

Whoosaaaahh.. Inhale.. Exhale.. Ok, i'm done with my resentment. Hehe..

Okay, nexttt..

My pretty little sister (which is not little anymore btw) just had her 20th birthday at July 7th 2011. We've made a surprise for her including cakes and presents. But honestly, that was awkwardly fun. Because i've known that she was expecting the whole things and couldn't sleep. :D Her boyfriend, Hatta, gave him a blackberry that she wanted for looong time, we wanted to give it to her in style but hadn't plan it well. It became antiklimaks at the end of the day. But at least i've made a cute surprise that she didn't expect. When she opened her blackberry messenger for the first time, she found out that some of her friends has been added to her contact list and surprisingly almost all of them using the same display picture. This one :

Hehe..

Here's pictures of the birthday girl:

And her delizz cake:

another cute cake from her friends:

Ehm, what else huh? My daily life is still boring as before because it only consist of non stop working. New season still hasn't begin yet but yay! for the preseason. We have signed some new player like Nuri Sahin, Hamit Altintop, Jose Callejon, Raphael Varane, and Fabio Coentrão. I will start to love this new merengues and i believe it won't be too hard because the likes of Nuri Sahin and Raphael varane are lovable, no? Lately i really love listening to Christina Perri's songs. She has a great voice. Strongly recommended! Also, i found out that watching the Kardashians family is such a fun way to release tension and stress.. hehe..

Last, I want to say hi to new readers of this blog because i know there are some :P.

Here, have my smile :D

Have a good day!!